Construction shortages force employers to hire guinea pigs!

Employers have had to look to alternative labour sources as the housing shortage becomes more acute and labour cannot meet demand. “This is good news for the tradespigs, who have been offering their services for decades with little interest from construction companies,” said Fuzz Grassgrove, head of the Guinea Pig Trade Union (GPTU).

Employers are not very welcoming, however. “Look, I’ve had to hire a few, but I’m not sure they’re working out. They told me they were experienced excavators, but they showed up without even boots or hard hats!”

But Fuzz says it’s an inclusivity problem. “The responsibility is on the employer, not the pigs, to find proper-sized safety equipment for all their employees, no matter what the size.”

But others are claiming the guinea pigs don’t do anything and boss their co-workers around. “I shovelled all morning and then had to serve them lunch!” complained John, who added that he had to drive them home as well.

But what about the tradespigs? Two were interviewed on site and had a lot to say. “The worksite is so biased and hostile!” commented Petey, who said the workers even wrote “CAT” on the excavator, trying to intimidate and bully them. According to Lizzy, a lot of work needs to be done to make the workplace inclusive. “It’s not just boots and hats, we need ramps and more frequent grazing breaks. Employers need to stop assuming everyone is human-bodied!”

The Workplace Inclusivity Network (WIN) says that employers need to see the value of difference and how it can benefit the bottom line. “Studies show that guinea pigs in the workplace reduce stress. And reduced stress will mean better quality work, retention and well-being. Now, that’s a win-win!”

John agreed that while he did do most of the work, he wasn’t stressed and did find the tradespigs charming, even if demanding.